Bi-polar much?

When I was growing up, my dad was really affectionate. He would cuddle me as a small child quite often. He loved to give hugs and show his affection. He sat close to mom and they held hands and kissed quite often. 

But, there were times when he was angry that he would lash out. He would get physical. Our typical discipline before my older brother and sister ran away were many spankings with a leather belt. After they left, it was spankings with the soft side of the broom. But, he was a large, scary man to me and I never knew just how physical he was going to be.

I also never really knew his mood. One day he might be happy, joyous and loving life. The next, not so much and I had no idea why. Actually, often it was within the day. One moment, he was happy, joyous and loving life, and the next, not so much.

Sometimes, it was obvious what set him off. He had been drinking. We had forgotten to do the chores. I got in trouble at school. He got in an argument with mom. Sometimes, it was not so obvious. He went from laughing one moment to looking like he was going to throw a pool ball at you, the next.

It can be difficult to live with someone, particularly someone you hope to bring consistent love into your life, and you really aren’t sure if they are going to love you or come down on you. It can be equally difficult to work for someone that way, particularly if you’ve experienced it at home.

I think we all want consistency. We want to know we are loved. That the other person will always be for us, even when we mess up.

That is what we find in Jesus. That is what God provides. Consistency. Consistency, of love. We can see it throughout the Bible. We know it is true. He doesn’t always do what we want or like, but He always did it (does it) in love. God’s love is so consistent and true that it goes beyond our understanding. 

When people in my life are not so consistent, when they fall short in their ability to demonstrate love or that they are for me in some particular way, I lean into the truth. 

God loves me. 

I am His child.

He will always love me, even when I mess up.

He is for me, that is why he disciplines me at times.

He is for me, that is why he walks with me through the difficult times.

He is with me.

He is watching over me.

He will fight for me.

He offers ultimate healing.

He will provide.

These are truths that provide consistency when the world doesn’t. When people fail us. When they fall short. When they seem wishy washy. When they praise us one day and belittle us the next. When they clamor for your love and affection and follow that up with abuse. 

Jesus isn’t like that. He loves us consistently. Eternally.

That is the reason we are called to trust Him.

We are warned, not to trust man. Not to trust ourselves. But, to trust Him.

He is trustworthy.

Find peace today in His word:

PS – There is more to say and consider and do for those in an abusive relationship, but today, today was about leaning into God’s love and consistency. To find peace in the midst.

Loogootee Pt 2, an excerpt from Never Settled, available from Amazon & other retailers Dec 27th!

We had a great thirteen inch color television! I’m still amazed when I look back and think about all we didn’t have, but somehow we always had money for TVs, stereos and a VCR or seven. I turned on the television by pulling the knob and turning the channel to 45. Our TV had two channel dials. Many of our favorite channels with kids shows were on UHF so you had to turn the top knob to “U” and the bottom knob to 45. On popped one of my favorite shows, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

I plopped down and watched by myself. Watching TV was certainly one of my favorite past times. Buck took me to another world. I didn’t really notice how quirky or cheesy it was at the time. Or, at least, I didn’t care. Twiggy was the best friend I never had. He went with me no matter what town we lived in. I suppose that was one of the greatest consistencies I did have in my life. No matter where we lived, I always had a TV and the shows didn’t change. I could stay in touch with Buck Rogers, the Million Dollar Man, Wonder Woman, and my friends on Gilligan’s island whether we lived in Indiana, New Mexico, California, Colorado, Illinois or wherever else the road took us. Gilligan’s silly antics would be there to make me laugh and feel a little bit better about life.

TV also kept us from doing our chores which often got us into hot trouble too. In our house, the kids were most responsible to keep the house clean. We all had chores and typically, we would get a small allowance. My dad liked the idea of us learning how to earn our pay, while at the same time keeping the house clean. We didn’t do a great job though.

After school, one of our favorite programs to come home and watch was Wonder Woman. I can’t tell you how often, we came home to watch Lynda Carter lassoing up some lying guy with her truth-telling rope. We got so caught up in the story that we never got around to cleaning our trailer, like one particular afternoon in Loogootee.

We were watching one of our favorite shows when suddenly all was quiet as the programming switched to a commercial. We heard the sound of tires pulling up and pebbles being thrown about when my parents‘ car entered the driveway. Terri, Jimmy and I looked at each other in startled fear. We were motionless for a split second and then all of the sudden, we sprang into action.