Lessons Learned from Ch. 6 of NEVER SETTLED – The Body Keeps the Score

Chapter 6, Loogootee Pt. 2 was a chapter in extreme contrasts, moving from the innocence and fun childhood days in an eighties Indiana small town similar to that of Stranger Things to the most emotional and terrifying moments of despair when my dad attacked us with his belt and his bark for not doing our chores.

There are moments when I wonder, why am I so emotional? How can my childhood have such an effect on me more than thirty years later? Yet, as I reread this chapter, I don’t wonder the answer to these questions. I remember. And cry, even if just internally.

The end of chapter 6 reminds me of the great fear and sadness of my early childhood. It reminds me of why I hated my dad for so many years. It reminds me of why I wanted out of my family as a teenager. It reminds me of why I never wanted to return for years as an adult. 

If there is one lesson I learn as I recall these memories, it is simply that childhood trauma can have a long lasting effect on a person. There is a saying in our school district that serves many underprivileged students. When a staff member is struggling with a student’s behavior, “don’t ask yourself, what is wrong with this child?,  ask yourself, what happened to this child?”

The implications are huge. When children experience traumatic events, it can wreak havoc on their behavior. This is the body’s response & best effort to survive.

I started reading a book a while back called, The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. The topic in a sentence was, how to overcome trauma with a new paradigm for healing. I only made it through Chapter 1. It was an intriguing read for sure and filled with some hope. But, it hurt too much to read and recall.

This wasn’t the first time my memories & emotions kept me from reading a book. Several years back I watched the movie, The Glass Castle with Woody Harrelson and Brie Larson. It was an intriguing movie where the family in poverty moved a lot & they were impacted by the father’s alcoholism. Sound familiar? Yeah, it did to me too.

As I watched the movie, I thought about how similar my story was. But, another thought also entered my mind. Her story isn’t nearly as bad as mine. AND my story has a way better outcome, filled with more hope. Such began my decision to write my story.

I tried, however, to go back and read the memoir by Jeanette Walls that inspired the movie. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t get past the first few pages because it was too painful. It recalled too many and too strong of emotions.

Childhood trauma is no joke. It can be overcome, but the individuals attempting to do so need a lot of grace, a lot of understanding and a lot of support. It’s not easy.

If this is you, I would love to pray for you. Feel free to message me. 

I would encourage you to find a therapist. Talk to your pastor. Share your journey with a friend. Spend time asking God to heal your brokenness. And rest in His arms as you learn to be loved by Him.

Why? Why would I write this memoir? Why would I reveal so much?

Sadly, too many people have lived very difficult childhoods. If you are one of those, you may feel like you can never escape or overcome it. If you know someone who has gone through incredible obstacles during their formative years, maybe you see their destructive habits seemingly out of their control. 

Your life may not have been handed to you on a silver platter, but rather a paper plate with cold pizza that you still prefer to steak & shrimp. You may have grown up with tattered furniture, hand-me-down clothes purchased from Goodwill or remember one (or both) of your parents badgering you physically or verbally. You may not have had a clue what it took to get to college & be successful because you never had that modeled for you.

You remember what life was like and you know you want it to be different as an adult. You aren’t sure if that is possible, but you dream that it could be. You hope that it will all turn out different for you. 

I’ve got news for you. It can. But, it doesn’t just happen by hanging out & hoping the same negative inertia that led to your childhood circumstances don’t repeat themselves. In fact, if all you do is hang out and wait for things to change, surely they won’t. 

This is why I wrote NEVER SETTLED: a memoir of a boy on the road to manhood. I wanted people who have had incredible childhood challenges know they can overcome. It won’t necessarily be easy, but it can be done. I wanted people to see examples of how one person could transform their life from extremely humble beginnings to change the lives of people around them, to even transform their family legacy.

I also wanted people to see their own stories in a new light. Often times, when we have endured such hardship, we retell our stories to ourselves (and others) in such a way that redemption is not possible. That nothing good could ever come from us or our situation. We spin cycle our trauma over and over in such a way, it creates more chaos, not order.

The reality is for each of us, we can see our stories in a new light, like they are actually headed somewhere. Somewhere good. Sometimes it takes hearing, listening, reading someone else’s story before we can imagine those things in our own. 

I wrote NEVER SETTLED so that you will be inspired to change your past into a brand new future. I wrote it to share my story of overcoming so that you know you can overcome too. We are in this together, if you want to be. Let’s go! You can overcome!

Follow this link to read more about NEVER SETTLED. https://shawndcongleton.com/neversettled/