Palm Sunday—Hitting Hard

This morning as I meditated on the story of Jesus entering Jerusalem for Passover (what we affectionately call Palm Sunday), I read a line that I am sure I’ve skimmed many times. Jesus was having a conversation with the crowd who is enthralled and curious and hopeful that he might be The Messiah—their Savior. 

He had recently raised Lazarus from the dead. Lazarus was quite literally dead for several days. Some thought he may have just been asleep, but others knew he had, without a doubt, been dead as he was actually buried in a tomb. 

Lazarus was Jesus’ friend and his family loved Jesus. They knew who he was. They believed. But, the crowd was trying to decide for themselves and as Jesus entered the area, they were asking questions and listening to what Jesus had to say. Yet, most of them did not want to believe despite the amazing miracles Jesus had performed.

There was a group, however, that actually did believe for the first time. They were Jewish leaders. (shocked eyes) These religious leaders actually were actually believing in Jesus. 

But, they did not want to admit it. They did not want to reveal themselves. They were afraid of what other Jewish leaders (Pharisees) would do to them and their positions of leadership. They could be excommunicated. They could be dismissed. They could be cast out. They could be brought down, lowly and despised.

Their positions of leadership meant more to them than following Jesus. 

The Living Bible says, “they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.” John 12:43

I think it’s easy to judge them, to mock them, to dismiss those religious leaders. Neh! Why would you care more about the Pharisees than you did Jesus?!? That’s stupid. After all, that’s how I’ve read this scripture so many times.

Until this morning when I realized that was me.

I love the praise of men more than I do the praise of God.

Lord, forgive me. I’m sorry. Help me to change.

For so long, I’ve wanted out of a situation in my life where I do not feel respected. I do not feel valued. I do not feel appreciated. (no, it’s not my marriage 🙂 that woman deeply respects, loves, and appreciates me) And I have wanted out, despite what I thought God wanted. I have basically not cared what God’s opinion was, I just wanted out.

In many ways, I know that God has been using me in that situation. I know that I am a light unto the world as He shines through me. Yet, I have not always acted like it. I have not always been the best example, the best witness. But, the reality is I just wanted out and I’ve been asking God to show me the way. 

This morning, this phrase about these Jewish leaders that I’ve commonly dismissed (because they weren’t disciples of Jesus), “they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God” became very real to me. 

I began to look back at my life and realize how many times that has been true. Where I was more interested in what people thought of me than I was what God thought of me. I wish I could only care what God thinks of me. I repent and I ask that God helps me to think his way, that he enables and empowers me to only care about his thoughts of me.

I know, part of this is simply being human. We all want to be loved, to be appreciated, to be valued and respected. This is how we are designed. This is a part of our humanity. 

BUT, what do I want more? And when I realize the conflict between pleasing God and pleasing man, what do I choose? 

Lord, today, help me to choose you. Help me to care more about what you think than what others think about me. Help me to be your light in the darkness. Help me to exemplify you above all others. Help me to choose you and not be afraid of what others think.

How about you? Do you struggle with this? What scriptures have you read before, completely glossed over, but later hit you like a ton of bricks? Where do you need to grow today?

When Fast is Slow

I couldn’t believe what I had gotten myself into. How could I expect to meet all of these demands, all of these expectations? And yet, somehow I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t exasperated. But, I was busy. And I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. 

Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

It was the summer of 1999. I was hired in May to be a part-time youth pastor at our church. I was excited about it. I loved working with young people and had spent the previous year as a volunteer. The year had been a whirlwind itself. 

My full time job was as an administrative assistant for the College of Education and Human Services at Wright State University. I led a group of student workers to process undergrad and graduate applications into the college. Ironically, I loved my job. 

I say ironically because being an administrative assistant (full disclosure: my title was actually secretary) was a role typically served by a woman. When I tell people I used to be a secretary, they often tilt their head a little to understand. And I laugh about it to ease the awkwardness. To be real though, to this day, this has been one of my favorite jobs and even more ironically, I was assigned that role initially by the U.S. Marine Corps when they made me an admin clerk on an open contract.

Though I loved that job, I had been working 40 hours a week at it and had recently been hired as a part-time youth pastor. Those that have served in ministry know that when you add the word part-time in front of your title, it just means that you are being paid that way. There is no such thing as part-time ministry.

In fact, we were flying through one of the busiest times of the year for youth ministry, SUMMER! Students are always more available in the summer with school being out and all so we had more trips, more events, and well, more everything to keep them busy with positive activities. 

In addition to these two full-time jobs that I had, my wife and I were raising our three-year old daughter, Morgan. Thank God, she was a very easy toddler to raise! So compliant, so sweet, such a fun, good girl. We had just closed the previous winter on building our first home and that summer it was completed and we were able to move in, in late July. We had been staying with my in-laws for nine months in preparation for our move-in. 

Have I mentioned yet that I was a full-time student at Ohio Christian University? (Circleville Bible College, at the time) I was completing my bachelor’s degree in religion with an emphasis in leadership and ministry. Thankfully, I only had to attend class once a week on a Thursday night. It was an hour and a half drive from work, but only an hour home afterwards. It was a four-hour long class each week, but the time flew by and we discussed our studies. 

I have no idea how I made it through that summer. Those were certainly the busiest months of my entire life. My only explanation is… God got me through.

There was one other factor that I am sure helped a lot. 

That summer, I decided to fast. What?!? You might be thinking, you decided to do all of that without food???

Well, not exactly. I decided to fast MEDIA. Most people think about fasting as going without food for a period of time. But, that summer, I decided to fast media. Anyone who knows me knows that I love technology and television so going without them was a bit mind-blowing.

On my days off when I was a full-time (paid) youth pastor, I would sit in front of the television from dawn to dusk and after. (Thanks, TiVo!) It was a habit from my childhood that helped me relax and escape. That being said I was a bit of a television and media junkie. Though social media had not really been invented yet, the internet was very available (thanks AOL!) and I perused my email quite often as well. I loved scouring the internet for information about my sports teams and signing up for newsletters about them that were delivered directly to my inbox. 

I got mail! 

I actually decided to fast as a bit of a challenge to our youth group. I read or heard something about doing it and that it could be beneficial for our spiritual journey, so I decided to try it. I was just waiting to start twitching since I gave up all forms of media for the week.

No television (bye, bye Dawson’s Creek). No computer (outside of work and school responsibilities). No cell phone. (Oh, wait, I don’t even remember if I had one yet). No newspaper. (We definitely still had one of those.) No magazines. (I am sure, my pre-season NFL magazine was the most difficult to put aside!). No media (bye, bye ESPN, sniff, sniff).

Can I tell you how bored I was? Working practically two full-time jobs, going to school full-time, raising a three-year old, during the busiest season of youth ministry and moving into a new house and I was bored.

I found more time than I knew what to do with. 

That’s the way it is with a fast. You quickly see things differently. You begin to realize how much certain things meant to you. And maybe you wonder why they meant so much.

Typically, during a fast, you can also replace the item that you are going without with another more positive interaction. If you fast food, for example, when you are hungry that is the time to pray. Or read your Bible. I’m not sure how much I did that, I mean, c’mon, it was my first fast and thankfully it wasn’t food. But, I’m not sure which would have been harder for a week. 

It was not easy. It seemed to take forever. Let’s just say, my fast started off really slow.

But, crazy enough, it didn’t stay that way. Time has a way of flying by once you start something new and get past those first phases. What seems to take forever will fly by before you know it. And it did.

I got to the end of my week and celebrated by sharing my experience with the youth group and challenging them to do something similar. 

I was blown away by how much I had been filling my time with useless media consumption. I was blown away by how much it mattered to me when it was gone. AND I was blown away by how much less it mattered by the end of the week. 

The insight and experience was well worth it. 

So, I tried it again, just this week. Only, this time, it is not a pure media fast, but a social media fast. I had found myself checking on my news feeds way too much lately and felt twitchy a lot. You know the phantom buzzing in your pocket that isn’t really there so you check your notifications anyway?

I’m off social media for a month. I’m five days in. My only exception is my ability to post this blog so I won’t see your comments for at least 25 days unless you text them to me personally. 

The first few days, I felt twitchy and wanted to constantly check up on things. But, I didn’t cave. Then the first Indiana Hoosiers basketball game came and normally I constantly scroll through Twitter during pre-game and commercials to read the #iubb commentary. How did we enjoy games before twitter?!! I guess I’m finding out. I definitely missed it and it was a different experience already.

I’ll let you know how things go in about a month. Until then, feel free to try your own SLOW fast. 

What could you give up? For how long? What can’t you give up? What are your thoughts and experiences with fasting? I would love to log on in a month and read your responses. Feel free to send them to me directly. Have a great month!