An excerpt from Ch. 4 of Never Settled: a memoir of a boy on the road to manhood by Shawn D. Congleton

When I say I moved a lot, it’s not in the way you might think. After I tell people this, their next questions are usually, “Was your father in the military? Was he in the ministry?” Families who “move a lot” due to ministry or military don’t compare to my experience. Those that have served in the military, their families typically move every one to three years at most. For those that have served in the ministry, the average pastoral stay is about three and a half years. Actually, my family stopped moving when I entered high school. I only went to four schools during my high school career. That was an average of once per year. After we stopped moving. 

For many years we moved every couple of months. Sometimes more. I remember coming home from school having no idea that we were moving again and the car would be half-packed. It was our goal to finish packing and get out of town before the sun went down. As a child, this way of living was really not a big deal. It was all I knew. I never developed a friendship long enough for it to impact me too much when I left. I didn’t attach to anyone long enough to have issues with detachment. My life was lived on and off the road. 

We didn’t move with pick-up trucks or U-Haul rentals either. We moved with one car, loading as much as we could carry in one trip…

(This is not our car, but gives you a feel for what it was like. We have not been able to locate a photo.)

Our car was a 1973 Chevy Impala. We had a typical way of packing that was pretty efficient; all things considered. This required one of these classic large box cars from the sixties or seventies! On top of the roof of the car would be…

Are you emo?

Their courage struck me from the beginning. I was really impressed. I couldn’t believe that I was sitting around a table of five teenage guys from this inner-city high school bearing their feelings. 

They had been through difficult times, for sure. But, it’s not every day you hear five teenage guys talk about being sad, depressed, surprised, numb, hopeful, hurt, confused, and many other raw emotions. 

I was leading a grief group for students who had lost someone or something in their lives. They had all experienced some level of stuck or their experience was so recent, they were not even sure yet how to process it.

Guys tend to not admit openly, particularly with other guys their own age, their honest and real emotions. Well, except anger.

For some reason, anger is almost always acceptable in our culture for guys to express. But, not the other very real emotions that we all experience.

Sadness. Confusion. Nervousness. Frustration. Worry. Jealousy. Guilt.

Just moments after the group ended, two other guys ended up in a fist fight. Anger was too much, but most certainly acceptable to them. It was expressed with fists flailing.

As a high school counselor, let me tell you this. Emotions are okay. For guys, too. Not only are they okay, but they need NEED to be expressed. In healthy ways, of course.

As a former pastor, let me tell you this, Emotions are okay. For Christians, too. Not only are they okay, but they need NEED to be expressed. In God honoring ways, of course.

I have found over the years, that just like the fact that many “tough” guys feel the need to hide or shove their feelings down instead of talking about them, many Christians want to do the same because they are fearful about what God or other Christians might think of them. 

Emotions are a part of the human experience. They are real and valid. They speak to us. And it is important that we listen to them.

We can’t always trust our feelings, but they exist for a reason and we must listen. We must express. We must learn to process. Sometimes out loud and sometimes through our actions.

In Jesus, we see a man who was sad, angry, peaceful, frustrated, confused and discouraged. Yet, was without sin. He experienced the full range of human emotion and expressed them in God honoring ways.

May we do the same. The best place and way to do that is in the company of those we trust. Our family, close friends, a counselor or pastor, perhaps. 

Find someone you trust and open up. Let those emotions be expressed and learn how to process in a safe space. Then go forward and help someone else do the same.